


Connected

by eyegnats



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: (mostly), Comedy, Confessions, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Drifting Away to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Grappling With Feelings Over the Phone Because Interaction With Other Humans Is Hard, Heavy Use of HTML, I cannot stress how CSS heavy this is., M/M, Minor Mercedes von Martritz/Dedue Molinaro, Modern AU, Netflix True Crime Documentaries, Sexual Content, Wedding invites, Work Skin Mandatory, getting the gang back together, texting fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23514832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyegnats/pseuds/eyegnats
Summary: Keep talking until the truth comes out.And if that fails, send a text.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Ingrid Brandl Galatea/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 28
Kudos: 173





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **hot rich kids have problems too**
> 
> This fic requires workskins to be enabled to be the most legible. (This also negates PDF downloading and text-to-speech.) Apologies for the accessibility. o/

**✪ Sylvain (gotgautier) followed you!**

**—**

**Messages with** gotgautier  
  
**SYLVAIN:** heya ingrid  
  
**SYLVAIN:** remember me?  
  
**INGRID:** Sylvain?  
  
**SYLVAIN:** no actually its felix. ive decided to reach out to former friends of my own desire and volition  
  
**SYLVAIN:** yes its sylvain  
  
**INGRID:** Sylvain! :)  
  
**SYLVAIN:** aw a smiley face just for me this is unexpected   
  
**INGRID:** It’s been, let’s see, five years? I can’t believe you found me on here!   
  
**SYLVAIN:** wasnt too hard i just typed in ingrid and sorted through until i found the face most likely to slap me  
  
**INGRID:** You slap a guy one time...  
  
**SYLVAIN:** i was feeling nostalgic  
  
**SYLVAIN:** nice glow up btw  
  
**INGRID:** You haven’t changed a bit.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** thats probably less of a compliment than youre intending but thank you  
  
**INGRID:** No, no! Full compliments! It’s good to hear from you!   
  
**SYLVAIN:** yeah same same  
  
**SYLVAIN:** im glad youre doing well  
  
**SYLVAIN:** girlfriends cute  
  
**INGRID:** Oh, haha. Yeah, she was pretty cute.  
  
**INGRID:** We actually just broke up.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** oh fuck  
  
**SYLVAIN:** sorry  
  
**INGRID:** No, it’s okay! It’s fine. It was mutual.  
  
**INGRID:** I guess maybe I should delete those pictures. :(  
  
**SYLVAIN:** :(  
  
**INGRID:** :(  
  
**SYLVAIN:** hey you want to get drinks sometime  
  
**SYLVAIN:** not as like a rebound thing as a friend thing  
  
**SYLVAIN:** ive picked a poor time to bring this up in the conversation and i realize that  
  
**INGRID:** You’re still in town?  
  
**SYLVAIN:** mhmm  
  
**INGRID:** I thought you were out of state for college?  
  
**SYLVAIN:** thats the thing about college you usually leave at some point  
  
**INGRID:** And come back?  
  
**SYLVAIN:** if youre a dumbass (im a dumbass)  
  
**INGRID:** Hah. Sure, we can meet up.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** cool  
  
**SYLVAIN:** sorry its kind of out of the blue  
  
**INGRID:** What made you reach out?  
  
**SYLVAIN:** oh uh  
  
**SYLVAIN:** you got mentioned in a podcast i was listening to  
  
**INGRID:** I was?  
  
**SYLVAIN:** a girl i was seeing wanted to listen to this black widow podcast together? so i did right  
  
**SYLVAIN:** boom. third episode. dimitris evil stepmummy  
  
**SYLVAIN:** really ruined the sexy dominant lady mood i was trying to cultivate ngl  
  
**SYLVAIN:** but they were talking about glenn and you got brought up and i was like  
  
**SYLVAIN:** fuck. this fucking sucks. i miss ingrid  
  
**INGRID:** I see.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** yeah sorry speaking of mood ruiners  
  
**INGRID:** It’s fine. It should be. I think we’re all more or less over it by now, right?  
  
**INGRID:** Or at least semi-functioning members of society.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** speak for yourself i am a proudly unfunctioning member of society  
  
**INGRID:** I’m going to be real with you, Sylvain. You are doing a lot better than I thought you would be.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** oh no am i being instastalked  
  
**INGRID:** Indeed. Is this a job I see? Do you have a job, Mr. Gautier?  
  
**SYLVAIN:** dont let this get out ingrid im serious i have a cultivated useless fuckboy rep i have to uphold  
  
**INGRID:** I'm so proud of you!  
  
**SYLVAIN:** im working for my dad lets not get hysterical  
  
**INGRID:** I thought for sure you’d be absolutely quelled to dust via a woman by now.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** quelled  
  
**INGRID:** Quelled!  
  
**SYLVAIN:** i mean thats a steady bet i guess  
  
**SYLVAIN:** things were looking p rough for a bit there  
  
**INGRID:** Rough was an understatement. For all of us.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** well we aint dead yet  
  


****

**—**

**To: swordzmanz@hkfmail.com  
** **From: sylvain@gautierinc.com**  
**Subject: what up**

felix. oh my god. you are the toughest motherfucker to track down in the history of difficult to chew motherfuckers. i cant believe im having to type this email to your goddamn middle school email because you absolutely do not exist in any social media platform known to man. who are you? where are you? are you only on goddamn pinterest? i bet youre only on goddamn pinterest. i havent looked on pinterest but i know youre SOMEWHERE outside this email address. and i will find you. i will. i swear to god. 

if for some ungodly reason you a) still have the password to this email and b) for some equally ungodly reason still check it, me and ingrid are meeting up for drinks on the twelfth @ 8pm @ anna’s pub. you should come. we both miss you. recently single ingrid said she misses you a lot even. so. you know. ;) 

message me back man 

sylvain 

**—**

**To: sylvain@gautierinc.com  
**From: swordzmanz@hkfmail.com  
**Subject: re: what up******

no thanks.

felix

**—**

**To: swordzmanz@hkfmail.com  
**From: sylvain@gautierinc.com  
**Subject: re: re: what up******

holy shit youre alive. youre alive and you still use this email.

sylvain

**—**

**  
**

**To: swordzmanz@hkfmail.com  
From: ingrid@galateagoods.com  
Subject: Felix!**

Felix! It’s Ingrid. I’m so happy Sylvain and I managed to track you down!

How are you? Well, I hope? I’m sure Sylvain did an absolutely terrible job trying to sell a childhood friend reunion to you. You should join us! 

Even if you don’t, though, I’d love to hear from you. Sylvain keeps giving me live updates of his empty inbox. I’m getting the feeling he wants to hear from you, too. 

All the best,

Ingrid

**—**

**  
**

**To: ingrid@galateagoods.com  
From: swordzmanz@hkfmail.com  
Subject: re: Felix!**

hey. 

listen i’m not really one for sentimental reunions. simple as that. i’m off freelancing out of the country for two months anyway.

i hope you’re well.

felix

**—**

**To: swordzmanz@hkfmail.com  
From: ingrid@galateagoods.com  
Subject: re: re: Felix!**

I’m doing well, yes! I’m here with Sylvain right now and we miss you! (See attached picture.) 

When you get back into the country please feel free to reach out. Or whenever! We’re around.

All the best,

Ingrid

**—**

  


**Messages with** gotgautier  
  
**INGRID:** It was good to see you, Sylvain!  
  
**INGRID:** Even if I did see more of you than anticipated.  
  
**INGRID:** Let’s keep in touch, okay? Don’t be a stranger! :)  
  


  


**—**

  


**Messages with** gotgautier  
  
**INGRID:** We should grab drinks this weekend!  
  
**INGRID:** If you’re around?  
  


  


**—**

  


**Messages with** gotgautier  
  
**INGRID:** Sylvain?  
  


  


**—**

  


**Messages with** gotgautier  
  
**INGRID:** So that’s it, huh.   
  
**INGRID:** I guess you got what you wanted.   
  


  


**—**

  


**Messages with** gotgautier  
  
**SYLVAIN:** hey  
  
**SYLVAIN:** so its been a hot second  
  
**SYLVAIN:** obviously  
  
**SYLVAIN:** i didnt want this to happen  
  
**SYLVAIN:** i hope you dont think that i  
  
**SYLVAIN:** like  
  
**SYLVAIN:** wanted to see you just to hook up and then drop communication down a well for another five years   
  
**SYLVAIN:** and i know thats what it looks like  
  
**SYLVAIN:** i know that  
  
**SYLVAIN:** but eight months is objectively better than five years  
  
**SYLVAIN:** so you can yell at me now  
  
**SYLVAIN:** okay  
  
**SYLVAIN:** now  
  
**SYLVAIN:** ingrid please yell at me  
  
**INGRID:** I have a boyfriend now.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** oh hey hello  
  
**SYLVAIN:** this isnt a come on i probably should have specified that up top  
  
**SYLVAIN:** and i hate being the kind of person that has to specify that up top  
  
**SYLVAIN:** its just  
  
**SYLVAIN:** i didnt know what else to say after we slept with each other which is why i went radio silent  
  
**INGRID:** An acknowledgement of my existence would have been enough.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** i dont have an excuse the whole thing just made me feel  
  
**SYLVAIN:** sad  
  
**SYLVAIN:** okay so i do have an excuse but not a good one. being with you reopened a whole bunch of shitty feelings i thought i was over and the honest truth is that i couldnt handle it  
  
**SYLVAIN:** i didnt want to handle it  
  
**SYLVAIN:** so i ditched out  
  
**SYLVAIN:** wow this is such a bad pitch for the fact that i want to hang out again huh  
  
**INGRID:** It is.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** im sorry ingrid  
  
**SYLVAIN:** you deserved better than that  
  
**INGRID:** It's fine. Like I said. Boyfriend.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** im not here to booty call i promise  
  
**INGRID:** What are you here for, then?  
  
**SYLVAIN:** i mean  
  
**SYLVAIN:** you saw that new netflix doc  
  
**SYLVAIN:** american regicide or w/e  
  
**SYLVAIN:** what a shitty title  
  
**INGRID:** No, I haven't seen it.  
  
**INGRID:** They contacted me for an interview and I turned them down.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** oh hey same  
  
**SYLVAIN:** dunno why they even bothered i was pretty tangential to the whole thing  
  
**SYLVAIN:** and obviously dimitri very publicly wanted nothing to do with them so why would i  
  
**INGRID:** Thank you.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** no you dont have to say that i wasnt like fishing for clout or anything  
  
**INGRID:** I know you weren't.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** you think hes doing ok  
  
**SYLVAIN:** its kind of all over social media  
  
**INGRID:** I’m sure he’s not thrilled to have the death of his family be a global talking point. Again.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** so both of us said no  
  
**SYLVAIN:** i bet they couldnt even find felix to ask him haha  
  
**INGRID:** Is there something you wanted, Sylvain?  
  
**SYLVAIN:** i just wanted to see if you saw the thing  
  
**SYLVAIN:** also  
  
**SYLVAIN:** do you want to see each other again?  
  
**SYLVAIN:** if i promise to not sleep with you  
  
**SYLVAIN:** and also not ditch out afterwards if i do sleep with you  
  
**SYLVAIN:** god. the bad pitches are coming out in full force tonight  
  
**INGRID:** Are you drunk? You sound drunk.  
  
**SYLVAIN:** im not drunk  
  
**SYLVAIN:** i just hate what happened to us and i want to exchange numbers  
  
**SYLVAIN:** collective us i e our friends group  
  
**SYLVAIN:** i cannot stress enough that this is not a come on  
  


  


**—**

  


555-6898 (Maybe: Dimitri)  
  
dimitri. it's felix.  
  
Felix? That's a surprise.  
  
How did you get my number?  
  
i messaged my father.  
  
Wow. This must be important. What can I do for you?  
  
drop the regal act, your highness. you saw it. didn’t you.  
  
And what is it that I've seen?  
  
the trashy netflix doc. we’re not about to do some pathetic dance around it. i won’t put either of us through that torture.  
  
hello?  
  
answer me, boar.  
  
I did.  
  
you did?  
  
I watched it.  
  
fuck.  
  
you fucking idiot.  
  
are you insane? why the hell would you do that?  
  
I can do as I please.  
  
Or did you somehow forget that I’m the tragic, reclusive, unstable heir to a Fortune 500 company, Felix? The documentary painted quite the picture.  
  
what is this. are we cracking jokes? if you’re trying to crack jokes i’ll go ahead and walk out of this conversation right now.  
  
You texted me.  
  
fuck off.  
  
why would you do that to yourself.  
  
Would you like the truth?  
  
if you can muster it.  
  
I wanted to know who spoke.  
  
I should thank you for your silence, by the way. It’s a story that was going to be told regardless of my involvement, and maybe it did deserve to be told, but there was some peace in not seeing your face pop up in all those familiar talking heads.  
  
i can’t believe you’d be stupid enough to watch such sensational garbage.  
  
actually i can. you would be that stupid.  
  
Thank you for your concern, Felix. It means a lot.  
  
dumbass.  
  
You misjudge me.  
  
I knew that most anyone that was even on the peripheral of the event would grab ahold of their chance in the spotlight. I watched it alone. I expected to be furious.  
  
But at the end I couldn’t help but sit there and laugh to myself.  
  
Even after all these years. Even after I pushed all of you away and worse. You, Ingrid, Sylvain, Dedue.  
  
You turned them down.  
  
they didn’t contact me for an interview. let’s not get caught up in perceived loyalty.  
  
You know what I think, Felix?  
  
I think that’s a lie.  
  
I think the closest friend of the lone survivor and younger brother of one of the slaughtered would be a prime target for an interview. No matter the undertaken hassle to track such a subject down.  
  
I can’t imagine what they offered you for your thoughts.  
  
not enough. clearly.  
  
Thank you.  
  
it wasn't for you.  
  
It's been a second since you've come by, hasn't it? Would you like to get dinner soon?  
  
i just texted you to make sure your princely veneer was still in place and you hadn’t fallen off the deep end again.  
  
looks like i shouldn’t have bothered.  
  
Always soothing to know you care.  
  
goodbye, dimitri.  
  
Should I expect you to show up unannounced on my doorstep again soon?  
  
don't text me.  
  
Alright. Send my regards to your father.  
  


**—**

  


Dimitri  
  
Hello.  
  
Dedue! It’s good to hear from you.  
  
Same to you.  
  
How is the humanitarian life treating you?  
  
They aren’t working you too hard, are they? I know you’re not one to turn down another’s request for aid.  
  
Ah! You’ll never guess who texted me last week. Felix, of all people. He had to get my number from his father and everything.  
  
Dedue?  
  
Is everything alright?  
  
Is this about that horrid documentary? It was so difficult to relive the slander you and your family suffered through even with the truth’s retrospect. I am so eternally sorry.  
  
Friend?  
  
What's wrong? How can I help you?  
  
What's happened?  
  
Nothing.  
  
Everything is excellent.  
  
Oh, good!  
  
You’re being awfully quiet. Or maybe I’m just typing fast?  
  
I must stop typing so fast.  
  
I would be lying if I said I was not excited to talk with you. It has been far too long.  
  
I have something to tell you. And a favor to ask.  
  
My apologies. I’m having difficulty expressing it.  
  
Anything. I owe you so much. You were the only one that wasn’t entirely consumed and spat out in the depths of my  
  
Never mind.  
  
Please. What can I do for you?  
  
Dedue? Are you in trouble? Has something gone wrong? Is Mercedes alright?  
  
Say the word and I’ll smash anything or anyone that stands in your path. I swear.  
  
Anything.  
  
I have an announcement.  
  
Mercedes and I are engaged.  
  
Ah.  
  
That is  
  
Much better news than I was expecting.  
  
Congratulations, my friend!  
  
Thank you.  
  
This is cause for celebration! We must meet up when you get back into town.  
  
You said you had a favor as well? What can I do for you two?  
  
That is the bit I am having trouble expressing.  
  
Please, do not feel pressured to agree. You are under no obligation.  
  
Come now. You’ve more than done your time as my friend. Anything.  
  
Dimitri.  
  
Will you be my best man?  
  


**—**

  


**To: swordzmanz@hkfmail.com  
** **From: sylvain@gautierinc.com**  
**Subject: wingman request**

hey man you going to this wedding? we should totally go together. lotsa eager chicks at weddings dude. who knows what will happen

message me back this time

sylvain

**—**

  


**To: swordzmanz@hkfmail.com  
** **From: sylvain@gautierinc.com**  
**Subject: re: wingman request**

dude  
please

sylvain

**—**

  


**To: swordzmanz@hkfmail.com  
** **From: sylvain@gautierinc.com**  
**Subject: re: re: wingman request**

felix you fucker answer me for once

sylvain

**—**

  


Felix's Dad  
  
hi felixs dad this is sylvain  
  
do you have felixs number  
  
You know you don’t have to call me Felix’s Dad anymore. We’re both adults now.  
  
sorry sir youre felixs dad forever to me its in the brain folds  
  
the permanent ones  
  
The permanent ones and everything, you say? An honor.  
  
so can i have his number  
  
What’s the occasion?  
  
i wanna be friends again  
  
Really, now.  
  
yeah  
  
also im going to bully him into going with me to the mercedue wedding  
  
deduedes  
  
mercededues?  
  
you know  
  
the wedding  
  
I am in support of this venture.  
  
idk why but i just knew you would be  
  


**—**

  


Ingrid  
  
Hello, Dedue. Thisis Ingrid.  
  
This is Ingrid, I mean.  
  
Typo.  
  
Hello, Ingrid.  
  
Hi.  
  
It has been a while.  
  
It has!  
  
Which is why I wanted to let you know right off the bat here, short and sweet, that you don’t have to do this.  
  
You don’t have to invite me.  
  
I’m really flattered. These are beautiful and frankly expensive-looking invitations. And I would love to come and support you and Mercedes on what I’m sure will be one of the greatest days of your lives.  
  
But because it is such an important day I want to make sure that you know that you don’t have to feel obligated to invite me.  
  
I said such terrible things to you.  
  
And I completely understand why you wouldn’t want me there.  
  
I would not have invited you if you were not welcome.  
  
You can trust me on this.  
  
That is fair but I also know that you are reasonable and polite enough to invite me even though I was so  
  
Desperate for easy answers.  
  
I know. We have had this discussion before.  
  
Unless you feel things are unresolved?  
  
No. I want us to be at peace.  
  
But I also want you and Mercedes to have the best day imaginable.  
  
So if I am in any way inhibiting that I will sit things out. No worries. No problem. No comment. I promise.  
  
You should come. I want you to come.  
  
Dimitri will be there. Sylvain is coming.  
  
Felix has… received an invitation.  
  
And there will be plenty of food. Enough for everyone.  
  
That's generous.  
  
Too generous.  
  
There will be a lot of food, Ingrid.  
  
I'm sure it will be lovely.  
  
I do not know what we will do with all this food.  
  
Now you’re just bribing me.  
  
Maybe so.  
  


**—**

  


555-6898 (Maybe: Dimitri)  
  
hey.  
  
Hello, Felix.  
  
i'm in town.  
  
Welcome home.  
  
i think i should come over.  
  
Surely. Let’s have dinner one night this week, hm?  
  
i think i should come over now.  
  
Oh.  
  
yes.  
  
Alright then.  
  
Thank you for the forewarning this time.  
  
You're always welcome here.  
  



	2. Chapter 2

555-1422 (Maybe: Sylvain)  
  
felixxxx  
  
its sylvain!  
  
felix  
  
felix  
  
felix felix felix  
  
felix  
  
pls respond  
  
don't text me.  
  
yessss  
  
you responded !!  
  


**—**

  


**Messages with** gotgautier  
  
Sylvain?  
oh wow hey ingrid  
  
whats up  
  
Nothing.  
  
How are you?  
  
uh honesty hour i did just get dumped in an olive garden like ten minutes ago  
  
but its fine im used to it  
  
Same.  
  
wow are you serious  
  
what olive garden  
  
im outside the one on 21st and main  
  
I’m not literally at an Olive Garden. I just also happened to have a relationship end recently.  
  
Obviously? Obviously.  
  
im sensing hostility  
  
Are you, Sylvain? I can't imagine why.  
  
Never mind. This was dumb. I don’t know why I’m talking to you.  
  
no no wait  
  
come back  
  
ill shut up i promise  
  
what were you reaching out about  
  
I just wanted to ask you something but it was stupid and it’s stupid that I’m here right now and I hate myself for continuing to open the door for you every time you so much as like a picture of my cat.  
  
its a good cat ingrid  
  
I need to ask you something.  
  
then stop hating yourself and go for it  
  
Things are never as easy as you imply they are.  
  
wait  
  
wait a minute  
  
is this a rebound  
  
are you rebounding with me right now? is that whats happening?  
  
No.  
  
oh  
  
fuck  
  
read that wrong  
  
okay officially shutting up now  
  
talk to me  
  
Sylvain.  
  
yes  
  
Will you go to Dedue’s wedding with me?  
  
yes  
  
Really?  
  
uh yes  
  
what do you mean REALLY? of course i will  
  
i already figured id see you there  
  
You did?  
  
yeah you guys are friends now right  
  
er were friends  
  
before we all decided to collectively ice each other once dimitri was out of immediate crisis  
  
My relationship with Dedue is more complicated than that. And far more delicate.  
  
idk why  
  
It just is.  
  
So I understand if you don't want to lump yourself in with me at the wedding if you don't have to.  
  
what if i want to lump myself with you  
  
platonically  
  
i dont know why everyone is out here playing 4d chess with everyone else in this cursed former friendsgroup  
  
You're one to talk.  
  
You are the least dependable person I’ve ever called my friend.  
  
Also the horniest.  
  
okay so what  
  
that just means im equally guilty  
  
and ive got that much more reason to fix things  
  
you dont want to go? lets still go  
  
together  
  
forget whoever dumped you and go with me  
  
lets harass felix to come too hell actually listen to you maybe  
  
lets break through to dimitri when were there i know we can do it  
  
lets fucking do it im serious  
  
why the fuck not  
  
Sylvain.  
  
why not  
  
like sure some stepbitch murdered dimitris entire family and felixs brother/your boyfriend and that shit sucked  
  
it sucked so hard  
  
and everyone in the world is still rattling on about the drama of it and i know that doesnt feel good for any of us  
  
for any of you  
  
but i want to get the fuck over it  
  
is that bad  
  
it feels bad saying it  
  
ingrid  
  
are you there  
  
please respond  
  
I don’t know how to reply to all of this.  
  
I just don’t want to go to the wedding alone. That’s all.  
  
you dont have to  
  
ill pick you up at noon day of  
  
its about an hours drive from your place i think  
  
easy  
  
Thank you.  
  
always  
  
always always  
  


**—**

  


555-6898 (Maybe: Dimitri)  
  
hey.  
  
Hello, Felix.  
  
can i come over.  
  
again.  
  
Already?  
  
yes.  
  
This is sooner than expected.  
  
a job fell through. i’ll be around a little longer than i thought.  
  
Can I come over to your place this time?  
  
what.  
  
why would you want to.  
  
I've treated you in my home for a while, now. Isn't it your turn to play host?  
  
it's a shitty apartment.  
  
i only keep a place here so i have an address to file my taxes with.  
  
How practical. Do you want me to bring dinner or do you have food?  
  
i have food.  
  
I am not drinking a candlelight protein shake with you to get us in the mood.  
  
you’re not coming over so it won’t be a problem.  
  
Please?  
  
no.  
  
:(  
  
don't.  
  
don't fucking text me a sad face.  
  
:(  
  
i’m already halfway out the door.  
  
i'll see you soon.  
  
I suppose I can’t stop you.  
  


**—**

  


**Messages with** gotgautier  
  
Hey, Sylvain?  
yep  
  
Would you want to come over? If you promise not to fuck things up?  
can i get a clarification on the intentions here because i have made enough wrong assumptions for one day  
  
Do you want to be my rebound?  
oh  
  
yes  
  
absolutely  
  
also i am so sorry for bringing up your dead boyfriend like two scrolls up that feels shortsighted in current light  
  
It's okay.  
I wish I could move on too.  


**—**

  


555-6898 (Maybe: Dimitri)  
  
It was nice to see you, Felix. Genuinely.  
  
yeah. i bet.  
  
You don't have to act so frigid towards me afterwards.  
  
you do realize i immediately left to avoid the awkward pillow talk.  
  
that is the entire point of immediately leaving.  
  
I suppose I can’t complain about the bed getting cold when you were hardly here long enough to warm it.  
  
at least you’re self-aware about your lack of stamina.  
  
That’s not fair! You’ve never given me a square chance!  
  
With some more strategic pacing who knows how far you and I could go.  
  
stop.  
  
Stop?  
  
stop.  
  
flirting with me.  
  
Is that what I’m doing? Such things usually come before the sex, don’t they?  
  
you’ve already had your fill, boar. are you really such a pig to beg for me again?  
  
You texted me, Felix. Why am I always so bemoaned for responding? For taking the hand extended to me?  
  
if i had any doubt you were a slave to your baser instincts it has long since been disproven.  
  
Come now. You don’t get to show up at my door looking so hungerpained and pretty only to call the hand that feeds you a whore.  
  
call me pretty again and i’ll do far worse than shout obscenities at your hand.  
  
And here I was assuming you had a fondness for my hands.  
  
you’re insatiable.  
  
You're pretty.  
  
this conversation is over. i'm going to bed now.  
  
Goodnight.  
  
that's your cue to stop texting me.  
  
Maybe next time I can finally see your home.  
  
I'll be waiting.  
  


**—**

  


Ingrid (Don't Fuck This Up, Dumbass)  
  
Testing, testing. This is Ingrid and this is my number.  
  
hello ingrid youve reached sylvain can i take a message  
  
Hah. Tell Sylvain he's much better at making waffles now than he was in high school.  
  
i am insulted on behalf of my high school waffles that i made for my good good friends who i loved  
  
You set the fire alarm off in Felix's house!  
  
thats irrelevant  
  
the important thing here is to establish if these unburnt waffles i made today were indeed genuine friend waffles  
  
:)  
  
:)  
  


**—**

  


555-1422 (Maybe: Sylvain)  
  
sylvain.  
  
felix felix  
  
you responded again  
  
i need to ask you something.  
  
yes hello i am here  
  
do you also want to be my date to the dedue and mercedes wedding because slots are going fast but technically i still have a free arm  
  
no.  
  
what cmon  
  
being a last minute backup date is all im good for felix  
  
do you know how many spring weddings ive gone to w girls that want to show their wifed up besties theyre not at the singles table   
  
i could turn my services into a profitable business  
  
oh but yeah what did you need again  
  
never mind.  
  
nooo  
  
come back whats the problem  
  
lean on this broad friend shoulder and sing me your broody woes  
  
no.  
  
youre still textin me  
  
what can i do for you  
  
is this a lady issue ;)  
  
also no.  
  
well.  
  
sort of.  
  
ahuh  
  
you have come to the right place  
  
sort of  
  
you dating someone  
  
no.  
  
so you have a crush then  
  
absolutely not.  
  
so youre what  
  
sleeping with someone?  
  
felix? you there?  
  
yes.  
  
yes to being here or yes to nailing someone on the regular  
  
yes.  
  
i see i see  
  
so who you been gettin busy with and whats the issue  
  
dimitri.  
  
the issue is also dimitri.  
  
oh  
  
hey give me two seconds huh  
  


**—**

  


Sylvain (Don't Let Him Fuck This Up)  
  
dont tell anyone ingrid this is such a breach of brotrust but felix is fucking dimitri he just told me and like what am i even supposed to do with this info oh shit oh shit oh shit  
  
What?  
  
Sylvain!  
  
sorry im texting with him right now i will provide updates  
  


**—**

  


555-1422 (Maybe: Sylvain)  
  
k back  
  
hey.  
  
so  
  
dimitri huh  
  
yes.  
  
like when youre in town or  
  
does it matter.  
  
no youre fine youre fine  
  
im a little surprised is all  
  
surprised.  
  
yeah  
  
like back in high school when we  
  
you know  
  
what about it.  
  
you were actually gay  
  
obviously.  
  
is it obvious  
  
i dont think it was that obvious  
  


**—**

  


Sylvain (Don't Let Him Fuck This Up)  
  
That's not too surprising, in retrospect.  
  


**—**

  


555-1422 (Maybe: Sylvain)  
  
am i just dumb  
  
i asked to shove my hand down your pants.  
  
it was lacrosse camp!  
  
we were late for morning call. twice.  
  
a really really wild lacrosse camp!  
  
i didn’t come here to talk about this.  
  
youre right you didnt this is dimitri talk time  
  
god you really fucked him  
  
after all that shit talking  
  
i’m not here for your opinion i’m here for your experience.  
  
experience  
  
what do i look like someone who goes around accidentally fucking my best friends  
  


**—**

  


Sylvain (Don't Let Him Fuck This Up)  
  
Is he okay? Do I need to talk to him?  
  


**—**

  


555-1422 (Maybe: Sylvain)  
  
lacrosse camps aside  
  
k where were we  
  
youre in a steady fwb arrangement with dimitri  
  
unless its something more?  
  
less. it’s not steady and we’re hardly friends.  
  
but he hits you up  
  
well.  
  
well?  
  
sometimes. it’s me.  
  
usually it’s me.  
  
this is the worst. why am i talking to you.  
  
no no i dig it  
  
i get it  
  
those thighs transcend gender  
  
or you’re bisexual.  
  
im not but thats besides the point  
  
you hit him up then what  
  
that’s it.  
  
thats it  
  
that’s the problem.  
  
felix are you just freaking out about sleeping with dimitri  
  
is that literally it  
  
no sylvain.  
  
the problem is i can’t stop.  
  


**—**

  


Sylvain (Don't Let Him Fuck This Up)  
  
hes got feelings  
  
ingrid hes got feelings  
  
Oh my god.  
  
holy shit what should i say  
  
tell me what to say  
  
Tell him to confess!  
  
what  
  
no  
  
Why not?  
  
bc what if dimitri rejects him  
  
what then  
  
i cant have that be my fault felix will murder me  
  
He’s not going to kill you for telling him to be honest. It’s his business, not yours.   
  
ok but how sure are you that his weird out of country freelance work isnt as a hitman  
  
like  
  
one to ten  
  
Nine.  
  
so theres a chance  
  


**—**

  


555-1422 (Maybe: Sylvain)  
  
so  
  
yes?  
  
this is what the cool kids call catching feelings  
  
uh huh.  
  
yep  
  
and?  
  
and  
  
its generally believed as a common response not tailored at all to your specific situation that  
  
when you catch feelings you should express them  
  
no.  
  
no?  
  
no.  
  
i need to stop this. not exacerbate the situation.  
  
do you tho?  
  
yes. what do you mean. i can’t date him.  
  
i dunno its kind of nice to indulge in the thought of coming home to a tall strong blonde who lets you rest your head on their chest and listens to you ramble and buys you food  
  
not speaking from personal experience but  
  
yeah  
  
not when the blond is a raving beast.  
  
that  
  
can also be sexy  
  
sylvain you dump women every other weekend. i am looking for advice re: that and not. whatever this is.  
  
you want to dump him?  
  
we aren’t dating.   
  
you want to stop sleeping with him?  
  
if that’s what it takes to stop feeling like this.  
  
and what feeling is that  
  
feeling like i want to lay my head on his chest and ramble.  
  
obviously.  
  


**—**

  


Dimitri  
  
Are you sure you don’t want a bachelor’s party, Dedue? It’s customary.  
  
I am sure.  
  
If you’re working off a skewed visage of American movies I can assure you there is usually no property destruction or strippers.  
  
Unless you’d like strippers, of course.  
  
We can arrange for strippers. Also property damage, if needed.  
  
No.  
  
Not unexpected but I still thought I’d float the idea.  
  
You’ve done enough.  
  
Have I?  
  
More than enough.   
  
Too much?  
  
Maybe a little. But that was expected.  
  
Do you need something, Dimitri?  
  
Not at all.  
  
You usually call me, is all.   
  
Ah. True. But there’s nothing wrong with the printed word now and again.  
  
We only text when we need something from one another and are too apprehensive to express that in real time.  
  
Or you’ve fallen ill again.   
  
How astute.  
  
Are you alright?  
  
Yes.  
  
Do you want to talk about it? Whatever it is?  
  
I’ve seen Felix, recently.  
  
I’ve been seeing Felix.  
  
I see.  
  
Like before.  
  
Intimately.  
  
I inferred.  
  
Right. Sharp as ever.  
  


**—**

  


555-1422 (Maybe: Sylvain)  
  
what if you didnt confess  
  
excellent idea.  
  
what if you took it slow  
  
like you guys could be friends again  
  
clearly you want to spend time with him maybe getting chummy again would stop the whole thing from progressing  
  
and then you guys can go about your business without a sticky unresolved film covering everything  
  
or make the situation exponentially stickier.  
  
fine then just stop sleeping with him if its that big of a deal  
  
i told you. that is the last resort.  
  
yeah but you seem to be really pained about this to the point of considering reaching out to me and if its hurting you that much i just think that you should maybe consider  
  
not  
  
having sex with dimitri anymore  
  
no.  
  
oh my god  
  
how good could he possibly fuck  
  


**—**

  


Dimitri  
  
I can’t turn him down.  
  
You have the ability to turn him down.   
  
I know but I don’t.  
  
You can.  
  
But I don’t want to.  
  
I don’t want to at all.  
  
I’m getting that impression.  
  
Oh, this is all so embarrassing. Do you want to talk about the table settings for the wedding instead?  
  
I do not want to talk about the table settings for the wedding instead.  
  
Of course. Excuse the interruption.  
  
It’s just that this really isn’t about me, you know? I would much rather be talking about you. And your big day.  
  
Dimitri.  
  
Continue.  
  
Alright then.   
  
If you insist.  
  
You were saying.  
  
I’m in love with Felix.   
  


**—**

  


Sylvain (Don't Let Him Fuck This Up)  
  
Sylvain! Updates!  
  
ok so felix is definitely in love with dimitri  
  
For how long I wonder...  
  
ingrid i need help  
  
hes getting frustrated  
  


**—**

  


555-1422 (Maybe: Sylvain)  
  
these thoughts are not productive.  
  
theyre not really for being productive theyre mostly there as like  
  
human instinct  
  
ugh.  
  
i dunno what to say to you man  
  
if you cant have the sex without the feelings you cant have the sex without the feelings  
  
thats just how youre wired  
  
it’s not that i’m incapable it’s just.  
  
him. specifically.  
  
yeah im gathering that  
  
can i be candid  
  
i can’t stop you.  
  
ok   
  
real advice time  
  
sure.  
  
if you love him  
  
i don’t.  
  
but if you did  
  
or could  
  
or want to  
  
maybe you should honor that and tell him  
  
if he reacts badly which he wont because hes dimitri then all you lose is a fuck buddy   
  
and losing your fuck buddy was your only other option anyway  
  
unless you wanted to keep suffering alone in silence i guess  
  
with ultimatums like this it’s tempting.  
  
you deserve better than that felix  
  
getting tossed aside by dimitri is not better.  
  


**—**

  


Sylvain (Don't Let Him Fuck This Up)  
  
Tell him that if he loves Dimitri he should confess.  
  
ok  
  
he says he doesnt  
  
Well of course he says he doesn’t. He’s Felix.  
  
well what should i say  
  
Tell him that if he loves him, or could love him, or wants to love him, he should honor that part of himself.  
  
kk  
  
And that the worst that could happen is that Dimitri would let him down easy, because Dimitri is gentle like that. And that no matter what Dimitri cares for him. Because they’re friends, and have been friends for such a long time.   
  
And nothing will change that history. Not even a confession of that magnitude.  
  
im gonna tell him that worst that could happen is he loses his most consistent fuck buddy  
  
You do that.  
  
But also tell him that he shouldn’t have to suffer indefinitely just because the object of his affections may never return his feelings.   
  
He deserves so much more than to sit in silence.  
  
That’s a terrible way to live.  
  
ok  
  
done  
  
he says he doesnt think dimitri will like him back lol i feel like were all fifteen year olds again  
  
ingrid  
  
you there  
  
I’m here.  
  
oh good because i got felix on the line here  
  
Sylvain?  
  
ye  
  
I’m in love with you.  
  


**—**

  


555-1422 (Maybe: Sylvain)  
  
hey man  
  
uh  
  
something just came up and i think  
  
im gonna have to text you back later  
  
fine.  
  
this was about as productive as i was expecting.  
  


**—**

  


555-6898 (Maybe: Dimitri)  
  
Felix, hello. It’s Dimitri.  
  
i was just about to text you actually.  
  
Come to Dedue’s wedding with me.  
  
i don’t think we should see each other anymore.  
  
oh.  
  
Ah.  
  
Never mind.  
  
fuck. sorry.  
  
It’s fine! I should have waited until you finished texting. I saw the little dotted bubble and everything.  
  
I very much misread the situation.  
  
you wanted to go to the wedding with me?  
  
Yes, I did. Maybe a bit foolishly. You’ve never been a man for parties.  
  
Or sweeping romantic gestures.  
  
is your wedding plus one invite supposed to be romantic.  
  
Well I’m not going to go into my intentions now.  
  
is it?  
  
As you’re so fond of saying, I’ll save us both the embarrassment.  
  
wait. dimitri.  
  
don’t go.  
  
I’m not talking this through with you.  
  
no i really think you should.  
  
I’m not going to hassle you with my feelings any further. You’ve made your place on the matter clear.  
  
you’re acting like you’ve confessed something when you haven’t.  
  
I’m saving us the fallout. Or did you want to drag things out, for once?  
  
fuck. you’re not going to say it.  
  
What am I not saying.  
  
you’re not going to. you’re too much of a coward.  
  
I don’t know what you’re talking about.  
  
i’m going to have to say it. you bastard.  
  
Say what?  
  
i love you.  
  
Oh.  
  
Yes. I do.  
  
I’m sorry.  
  
I’m happy to keep being a body, an indulgence, to you. Whatever it is you’re seeking. I don’t mind.   
  
But I do love you and you deserve to know that.  
  
no, you dense boar. listen to me.  
  
i’m confessing to you.  
  


**—**

  


Dima  
  
Hello, Dimitri. It’s Ingrid.  
  
Ingrid! It’s lovely to hear from you.  
  
Same to you. How is the venue? It’s a beautiful day.  
  
Couldn’t be more perfect for a wedding.  
  
We’re on our way, now. A bit early. Is there anything we can bring to help?   
  
Hopefully you’re not putting out too many fires.  
  
Annette’s holding down the main bases. I think we’ll be able to pull this off without an incident.  
  
How’s the groom?  
  
Nervous. Uncharacteristically talkative. He keeps texting Mercedes from their respective prep stations.  
  
He seems happy, though.  
  
That's sweet. Are you sure there’s nothing else we can do for them? For you?  
  
Do you have my date?  
  
Sylvain is making him go change his shoes but yes, I do.  
  
What happened to his shoes?  
  
Something about looking like an old man. I’m not sure. I barely understand women’s fashion.   
  
Remind me to tease him later, won’t you?  
  
Gladly.  
  
We’ll all be sitting together.  
  
Like old times.  
  
I don’t remember the old times quite like this.  
  
Felix and Dima weren’t feeling out a serious relationship back then.  
  
I was going to say that Sylvain had not confessed his long-standing crush on you, but sure. That works too.  
  
Long-standing?  
  
Yes.  
  
How long are we talking here.  
  
Hmmm. Maybe, eight?  
  
He’s had a crush on me for eight years?  
  
Oh, no. More than that. Since he was eight years old.   
  
What?  
  
He told me and Felix the second it emerged. We heard about it well into high school.  
  
Are you serious?  
  
That emotionally concussed bastard.  
  
Hah. I’ll let the two of you work that out on the car ride here.  
  
We’ll be there soon. Promise.  
  
Drive safe, Ingrid.  
  
Take care, Dimitri.  
  
I’d say save us a spot but it sounds like you already have.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty for reading. debate if dedue and ingrid are _really_ the only blue lions w android phones in the comments below.

**Author's Note:**

> [I made a Twitter if you'd like to follow it.](https://twitter.com/GnatsGonzalez)


End file.
